childhood flashbacks and adulthood combined

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Time of death 5.45 I feel numb. The words echo through my mind without making any sense or meaning to me. I feel as though a cascade of icy water is spreading through my body turning everything cold. I know she is gone but I can`t face up to it. My body aches with the reality thats I could have saved her, but most of all with the thought of the dreadful task of telling the family.

I walk towards the family like i am in a dream, wishing that I could turn back the clock. If only my mind hadnt been so faraway with plans for holidays. There they are, sitting infront of me with worried looks on their tired faces. They don`t expect what is about to come.

Im very sorry, Your daughter has sadly passed away I mutter




Their faces are unlike any I have seen in a long time. You could almost feel their hearts brake. It it sadness that I hadnt felt for a long time. Sadness caused by my own selfishness and neglect.

Charlotte and Emily are playing in the bedroom.

You lay on the bed and pretend to die Charlotte said to Emily. Emily lay on the bed as still as she could be. Charlotte sat next to Emily and opened her doctors bag. Charlotte examined Emily.

Oh no! Charlotte cried Emily is dead

Emily started to giggle. Charlotte started to giggle too, until Emily and Charlotte were in peels of laughing. Both bolted up and ran into the garden, ready to play tag in the morning sunshine.

Come on Charlotte, i`m sure it had nothing to do with you! persisted George, my loving fianc�.

I could have saved her George, she died because I was to busy with sorting out holiday preparations. I cried trying to make him understand. But there was no point. He simply could not see that I had killed her. No matter what anyone said, nothing could change my mind. I feel trapped, like a fish caught in a net. It is like someone is holding a pillow over my face smothering me and cutting of my air supply. I am suffocating under a thick blanket of gulit and regret

Charlotte is painting a picture in the kitchen. George and Emily are playing in the garden.

HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPP screams George.

QUICK CHARLOTTE! Save George from being dead! You’re the doctor in this game!

OKAY Emily, Im coming in a minute says Charlotte, wanting to finish her painting.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLPPPPPPPP George cries over and over again. Then silence.

Its to late Charlotte! He is dead now, you made George die cries Emily YOU ARE A MEAN DOCTOR

NO! Charlotte screams. But it doesn`t matter; Charlotte has killed George

Twenty more minutes and I will be booking the holiday of a lifetime.RING RING. Oh no I sigh Not now. It always happens, as soon as i am ready to leave another patient comes in needing emergency surgery. I pick up the receiver.

Hello doctor Carlton speaking I say unenthusastically

Hi doc we have an emergency, a girl has come in with a bleeding kidney, we need you down here now Drawls the voice on the other end of the phone

On my Way I say.

I race down the stairs. Plenty of time, simple operation, will take no more than 15 minutes. I glance at my watch. Perfect, then I have 5 minutes to make it to the travel agents. I glance at my watch again

I rush into theatre. The girl awaits me. I start the procedure. With shaking hands I cut into the skin. I glance at my watch- 15 minutes. Locate the bleed. Got it! Glance at my watch - 6 minutes. Stitch it up! Done! There is still a slight hole. I glance at my watch- minutes.

Oh well, I tell myself Wont cause any future problems and plus I have a holiday to book!

Stitch back up, everything okay! Walk towards the doors, reach my hand out for the door knob……..

DOCTOR shes bleeding internally screams the nurse. The monitor bleeps. She is gone.

Emily and George are playing in the garden. The sun is shining. Charlotte is sitting in her room. Emily and George do not want Charlotte to play with them because she killed George in the doctors game. Charlotte says sorry to George, but George and Emily are angry. They don’t want to play with Charlotte anymore. Emily tells Charlotte to go away. Charlotte cries. Charlotte runs to mummy. Charlotte tells mummy she never meant to kill George in the docters game. Mummy tells charlotte not to worry and that george and Emily will soon make freinds with her. Mummy makes Charlotte feel alot better.

Uneasy thoughts cloud my mind making sleep an impossibility. I look up through the sky-light at the stars which scatter the black ribbon of night. George is lying besides me, taking deep, soothing breaths. Still i find no sleep. The word Killer is repeated in my mind like a broken record stuck on the same song. i am physically and mentally exhausted but when i close my weary eyes the face of the yound girl floods into my vision. I set out in life to become a doctor. From a young age i always wanted to help people, always wanted to make their lives better. I never wanted to hurt anyone, didnt mean for this to happen. I will never be able to forgive myself. Sleepless nights are just the start of the pain and riducule i will have to endure . But the worst thing of all is the feeling of guilt.

Mummy is wrong. George and Emily do not ever want to be friends with Charlotte again. Charlotte tells george she is sorry. It make no difference. Charlotte is very sorry she didnt hep George in the docters game. But Emily and George dont care. Emily and George play happily in the garden. Charlotte sits in her room, wishing she would have helped George instead of doing her painting.



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